(Note: This article was first published in my newsletter in June of 1997 in May of 1998 it will be 7 years. Depending on which year you get around to reading this [And we pray to be here for years to come] Add a year C.O.O.C)

For this page I was trying to come up with a hard hitting brass tacks story if you will. I wanted something that was about today and it's problems, something that we unfortunately don't think much about and that we really should think about. I prayed all last night and all day today when it came to me thanks to the Lord and my beloved wife Jan. She told me I should talk about how we celebrated our 6th Wedding Anniversary on May 13th of this year (1997) and to talk about marriage. It occured to me that this was a great idea and God inspired besides (Which I hope this whole web page is anyway as that is whom I am writing this for).

Let me begin by saying that 6 years ago when we after 9 months of dating sat down and had a very frank talk about what God expects of a marriage. First and foremost, Jan and I agreed that if we did go ahead with this most important decision that under no circumstances was divorce even so much as an option. That had to be spoken of because people divorce for the stupidest reasons nowadays. My first wife left me for a lulu of a reason. She didn't want to be married anymore. Jans first marriage ended on a similar note (That and adultery on his part but this is not a gossip column I stated it only to make a point). A friend of mine lost his wife last year to her career. Jan and I counceled a couple a few years back where the husband was ready to call it quits because his wife was overweight (Which is one of the reasons my first wife didn't want to be married anymore) His wife likewise didn't like that he was drinking to excess. I've seen all kinds of reasons why people get divorced some of them have gone on to get remarried as many as 5 or more times. (One such man just got divorced last year and is getting remarried again this year.) Our society today takes this subject way to lightly they are either marrying or divorcing as frequently as most of us change our underwear or they have made another fatal flaw and decided quote unquote to take the old car for a spin before they buy it. I'm of course talking about living together outside of wedlock or having sexual intercourse going that route and then there are some who will play the field if you will. This is alright if all you want is an occasional dinner date, but let's talk about what Jesus says about all this nonsense I just mentioned and the consequences of these actions. First let's discuss divorce. As I mentioned, people come up with all kinds of reasons. Jesus provided for two in the word. (1) If one of the two is commiting adultery or (2) if you are married to an unbeliever and this person decided to depart (Check Matt 5:31-32 and I Cor 7: 10-11 and I Cor 7:15) even with the unbeliever departing, one needs to really be careful. All to often we just survived a divorce and all we can think about is that we don't want to be alone or we want to be loved or we need to feed our sexual appetite. I empathize with this feeling because it is what I went through after my first marriage disolved. I jumped at the first opportunity to date a woman, after all the unbelieving departed adn I just had to have me a woman. I would stay at her house at night or she at mine ( and even though that was on the couch it was still wrong because we weren't abstaining from the appearance of all evil) anyway what with jealous feelings and other things we broke up and I think I may have hurt her, just one of many examples of the mountains we build and the damage we do when we decide we know more than God does. Before she was my friend and now I don't think she has a kind word to say about me and I can't say as I blame her. So take it from someone who has been there, be careful, let God lead you when it comes to relationships and do it by the book (meaning the King James Bible) I think I have covered the right reasons for divorce, having said that are you getting a divorce and if so is it within Gods guidelines? If not you are going to find that everytime you remarry it's going to continue to be the same vicious circle. Everybody has some sort of imperfection and no two people are alike. How then can we expect a marriage to work if we go by the excuses of todays world? Simple we CAN'T but if we follow Gods guidelines we can expect a lifetime of a happy marriage or a lifetime of a happy life as a single (No crime in that. Maybe you have the gift of being single. I know some guys like that and they are as happy as a lark so to speak.)

Now it's time to speak of living together outside of marriage or sexual intercourse outside of marriage. Again as always we need to look at what Jesus said about this. Sex outside of marriage is referred to in the Bible as Fornication and the doer of this sin is a fornicator. Paul tells us in I Cor 6:9-10 that fornicators will not inherit the kingdom of God. So to those of you who want to test drive a car when you buy it by all means test drive a car when you buy it. Check the engine. Take it to a mechanic and have him look at it but the woman you are dating is off limits until you decide she means enough to you to make the commitment of marriage. God is not doing this to be a kill joy but he lays these guidelines because he knows how we are and the consequences of our actions. Let me once again use myself as an example. Oh yes I have sinned and I have paid for my sins. I hope that the one good thing that came of it is that I can share with you the reader the consequences of my sins so that you can avoid building the same mountains for yourself. This example goes back to when I was in college. I met a girl whom I got to know adn I fell in love with. I willsay that she was from Japan and in fact later became my ex wife as it ties in with the story, anyway we let ourselves talk ourselves into going to bed together and argued that if decided so that we were married in Gods eyes (Oh yea you can do almost anything to justify sin in your own mind) since we were fixing to get married someday anyway. Well as you may have already guessed, she got pregnant and I being one to take responsiblity married her. Almost immediately after the wedding, we were at odds about something and that continued throughout our four years. I believe because we were from different cultures, because we married very young, because of the pressures brought about by finances, because of immatureaty, Who knows? What I do know is that this marriage cost me my schooling, my self esteem, and alot of money over the years besides shameing my parents and leaving me to scrimp and survive on jobs way below what I could have had if I had just listened to God and played by the book. Now I have made my own mountains which I have to climb and as such I haven't been the father to my son I would like to have been or the husband I could have been to my present wife who has given me all the love and support a man could ask for since we have been married. Before I go on to tell you how I feel you can achieve the perfect marriage let me just say that I hope my mistakes can help you to not make the sme mistakes in your life. Are you having problems in the romance field? Perhaps you should check with the King James Bible to see if you are doing it right. If you are divorced is it for the right reasons? If you love someone do you love them enough to wait for marriage for sexual intercourse? and if you are getting married, are you willing to stick to your commitments? All that has to be addressed or you will have the same sort of problems I have related to you in the story, GUARENTEED, unless of course you don't have a conscience in which case you will have other problems in eternity. Remember Be not deceived, God is not mocked for whatsoever a man soweth that shall he also reap (Gal 6:7)

Before I go let me now share some thoughts for a happy and successful marriage. First and Foremost you need Jesus in the middle of your relationship or it will NEVER WORK. I will guarentee it especially in this world of today. Never was it more true that a family that prays together stays together. This has got to be the most important point I will make in regards to a happy marriage. Communication is probably the second most important point. I find that I save a lot of pain and heartache with my wife and me when we have disagreements if I think before I speak, there is absolutely no need for name calling or the bringing up of old msitakes when having a discussion. There is no need for hard feelings during a disagreement. Remember this is the person whom you loved enough to want to spend the rest of your life with. The third point comes before the actual marriage during the courtship. It is during this time that we work on getting to know each others likes, dislikes, goals,and interest. Opposites attract if you're a magnet if you are two people making a lifelong commintment however then nothing is further from the truth. For example, I am a Christian man running a ministry. I'm pro-life, I believe the government is corrupt and I believe the King James Bible is the infallible Word of God. Why then would I want to share the rest of my life with a pro-choice feminist new age believing woman who thinks things are just fine in our country? Simple, I wouldn't. My life partner will have her differences alright. In Jans case it's as simple as I can't keep house and she would rather I do the cooking. Differences that compliment rather than separate. So there you have it Jesus, Comunication, and Compatibility. If you are having problems in your marriage let me urge you, contact your pastor today or write me at the address or call me at the phone number on the main page. We care and want to help. Your marriage is worth it to both Sonshine Ministries and to God who sanctioned marriage (See Genesis 2:21) I feel if we could find a cure for our feeling on sexuality the day and age we could then begin to find the problems plagueing our country in general today. Again if you are having problems let us help C.O.O.C

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